moontunes ~

Has the moon been singing to you this weekend?

She certainly has me, it’s been one of those intense
moontunes.. Saturday evening seen me reaching
for my dried up old tobacco and I haven’t smoked
for 3 year! It was 3 year to the day on 21 August..
I was so pleased with myself last weekend lol.
The old baccy has been on my shelf since
I stopped, cos this time I told myself that if I
wanted a fag I could have one..rather than
imposing lethal restrictions on myself...
which hasn’t worked in the past :)


Whenever I got intense cravings - even a few times
earlier this year - I’ve been satisfied with a deep sniff
from the baccy packet! And then, there was yesterday...
I was so intensely pissed off I got down my old mate
and rolled a wee fag :/ the baccy was so dry I managed
to light it without putting it to my lips.........and I just
sat there feeling a strange mixture of guilt
(even though I wasn’t actually taking a drag)
and pleasure at that grey aroma, as it’s cloudiness
enveloped me : ) Oooh the bliss.........

the whole event - right from pulling out the rizzla
- felt like a rather strange little ritual.


Even though I didn’t take a drag I still inhaled ;)
so have I actually had a fag??

you know what..it doesn’t matter...

It felt so good, and I’ve had no desire since to smoke.

So I’m looking at it as a therapeutic thing.. cleansing...

I did feel a little anxious afterwards, perhaps due to

the old physical addiction receptors charging up..

or perhaps that’s just the natural affect tobacco -

(and it’s mountain of added chemicals)

- has on people generally.. after that initial pleasure..

the anxiety kicks in, and we reach for another one??

Later on, I read this post on mind deep about

The Real Cause of Mental Pain -

When to Meditate and When to Contemplate.

So I sat quietly and took a look inside...

which eventually reduced me to full blown heart-aching

tears... it was strange to feel such relief amid that distress..

I guess, for the acceptance... you know those times,

when, you’re there for someone unconditionally.. giving

them a hug when they need it..  lending your ear -

something, I think, many of us do for others all the

time and yet forget, or don’t know how, to do it

for ourselves - that moment, felt like that is what

I’d truly done for myself for the first time in my life.

Mind didn’t get in the way, sometimes we can be so

critical of ourselves, without really realising the

extent of it.

anywaaay I felt so much better after that release : )

I came across some moon info' today -

can’t remember where :/

- about there being a fierce Aries moon on

Friday and Saturday.. she definitely stirred me up...

and induced me to stand up for, and to, myself in

a very personal..
internal..
kind of way.

Tonight’s (Sunday) moon is in Taurus, I believe, so she’s in

my sun sign.. and she’s comforting and grounding..

and I’ve been quietly doodling...

another moon lady.. she’ll become a lunary card

soon methinks.

sweet dreams...