She certainly has me, it’s been one of those intense moontunes.. Saturday evening seen me reaching for my dried up old tobacco and I haven’t smoked for 3 year! It was 3 year to the day on 21 August.. I was so pleased with myself last weekend lol. The old baccy has been on my shelf since I stopped, cos this time I told myself that if I wanted a fag I could have one..rather than imposing lethal restrictions on myself... which hasn’t worked in the past :)
Whenever I got intense cravings - even a few times earlier this year - I’ve been satisfied with a deep sniff from the baccy packet! And then, there was yesterday... I was so intensely pissed off I got down my old mate and rolled a wee fag :/ the baccy was so dry I managed to light it without putting it to my lips.........and I just sat there feeling a strange mixture of guilt (even though I wasn’t actually taking a drag) and pleasure at that grey aroma, as it’s cloudiness enveloped me : ) Oooh the bliss.........
the whole event - right from pulling out the rizzla - felt like a rather strange little ritual.
Even though I didn’t take a drag I still inhaled ;) so have I actually had a fag??
you know what..it doesn’t matter...
It felt so good, and I’ve had no desire since to smoke.
So I’m looking at it as a therapeutic thing.. cleansing...
I did feel a little anxious afterwards, perhaps due to
the old physical addiction receptors charging up..
or perhaps that’s just the natural affect tobacco -
(and it’s mountain of added chemicals)
- has on people generally.. after that initial pleasure..
the anxiety kicks in, and we reach for another one??
We begin life with the world presenting itself to us as it is. Someone - our parents, teachers, analysts - hypnotizes us to ‘see’ the world and construe it in the ‘right’ way. These others label the world, attach names and give voices to the beings and events in it, so that thereafter, we cannot read the world in any other language or hear it saying other things to us. The task is to break the hypnotic spell, so that we become undeaf, unblind and multilingual, thereby letting the world speak to us in new voices and write all its possible meanings in the new book of our existence. Be careful in your choice of hypnotists.
~ Sidney Jourard
photo: Ouarzazate ~ the door of the desert ~ Southern Morocco.
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into
enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings... peace for today... and creates a vision for tomorrow.
~ Melodie Beattie
photograph taken at Legzira, near Sidi Ifni - Southwest Morocco - in January 2010
‘Make peace with silence, and remind yourself that it is
in this space that you'll come to remember your spirit.
When you're able to transcend an aversion to silence,
you'll also transcend many other miseries.......’
~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
These beautiful little creatures, as well as speaking to us
about transmutation, renewal.. transcendence.. they
remind us to be alone with ourselves to listen to their
gentle requests, that we learn to allow the natural
transformation of things in our lives…
showing, a fine balance.. as they sit.. still..
it’s true, isn’t it?
Silence can speak volumes…
Where do you go in times of the darkness.. brought to us
from emotional pain? Do you embrace the stillness..
the silence.. and go within to work through life’s stressors,
or do you hide in among the murk and fill the spaces
with doing and chatter.. anything to avoid a little light
on the situation.. on yourself?
Actually, perhaps it’s not as simple as that??
For all of our sameness we are all so very different at
our core.. and as well as dealing with life’s trials in
our own way, we also embrace different aspects
of ourselves at various times in our lives.. depending
on the situation.. the trial upon us..
What kind of person are you mostly.. how are you most
comfortable with you, and do you notice when you are
out of synch with your’self’?
Personally, I very much lean towards..being quiet..
usually preferring silence.. long luxurious stretches of it,
I like aloneness..doing by myself. I’m most comfortable
this way. But don’t get me wrong.. as with everything
in life there are many aspects to the whole.. I love people
and chatter as much as the next person.. but these times,
for me, very much need to be balanced..
with solitude, or I turn into a shark :-/
Some folks are naturally opposites to this.. and are
wonderful noisy, busy, doing, beings.. and in their times
of troubles they loose their selves by turning in..becoming
that uncomfortable silence.. that darkness we can find
to hide in. We do, all have our own little ways, don’t we?
During recent times, dealing (or not as the case may be)
with the boulders that life has put on my path, and the
personal issues they have raised for me. I have realised
how I sometimes operate under stress.. and why I
eventually turn into that shark lol..
Although while dealing with the situations practicalities,
I have very much been avoiding the silence.. my refreshing..
renewing silence.. Oh yes!. I developed a deep aversion
to it, and filled my space with as much noise and mindless
doings as I possibly could, fear wasn’t going to allow me
to shed too much light on that dark scary space. But, all is
as it should be I think.. time out to allow things to be
absorbed before beginning to process.. a little journey
around life’s circle.. always.. eventually leading..
home to your true self…
We wander through life..
dealing with things..
from day to day..
then off we go..
grasping.. to cling.. before..
realising the inevitable.. change.. must begin..
turning within.. seeing.. our truth..
cocooned from illusion.. we get to the root.
finally.. emerging.. for sure..
to ride a fresh cycle.. circle life.. once more..
There is no such thing as messing up.
Only the mind judges that. Whatever
step you take is going to be the right one
since we are here to learn and to grow…….
There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts ~ Richard Bach ‘Illusions’
Hmmn indeed! My lack of blogging and general creativity this year is due to problems.. that have surfaced thick and fast one after the other, some big, some small, the worst by far has been over the past few months.. brought on by the actions of another.. someone we love very much.. things I can’t go into on here as it isn’t my story to tell, even though it's very much enmeshed into our lives. The pain is still there daily, and it’s something that isn’t going to go away very soon… so it’s something that I have to learn to live with.. forever ~ although my forever is nothing compared to their own ~ it still is..!
Flying free on an open breeze.. Viewing life’s unwanted squeeze…
Ponderings.. on my surfacing angers and irritations… at the judgements and criticisms of others... what gifts do they have for me ?? Time will tell ~ I have an eternity ~ Patience ~ comes to mind (only) ~ already.. easier said than done!
Jonathan Seagull discovered that boredom and fear and anger are the reasons that a gull’s life is so short, and with these gone from his thoughts, he lived a long fine life indeed.
~ Richard Bach from ‘Jonathan Livingstone Seagull’ ~
Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you'll see the way to fly.
~ Richard Bach from 'Jonathan Livingstone Seagull' ~
I hope you lovely bloggers are all well and having a good year.. I have been hopping about infrequently trying to pop into my favourite blogs now and then, when I’ve had the minutes to spare.. not nearly as often as I’d have liked.. hopefully I will have a little more mind space and time now, to get back into things… and already feeling pleasure at the thought of it : )
You are standing at exactly the place towards which you have been traveling ~ for seven years or seventy years or seven hundred years.
Your reality is within you, it is not somewhere else. But to understand the point, sometimes it takes years. You knock on many doors before you come to your own door...and then you are puzzled, because this is the house you had left and this is the house you have been searching for ~Osho